Mr. Xcitement
by Luna 'Tic' Vee
Summary: Jay is reminded of just how screwed up the average day in Jersey is. Sweet sassy molassy! A gen fic? From MOI?! Hell just froze over.


Mr. Xcitement  
by Luna "Tic" Vee  
  
***  
  
"...the knifey knife is staben. Protrude into the hoobalicious scoff the extra aden. I write, the mooky. My verse is extra spooky. Like Flansy in a soda can it's trooky trooky trooky! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww YES!"  
  
Jay danced around as he made his slow yet stylin' way down the sidewalk, singing some random song he'd heard earlier that day. He wasn't sure where. Either on the radio at The Wall, or on Bob's stereo. Didn't matter. It was fuckin' groovy.  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww YES! Mr. Xciteme--OOF!" the lithe blond soon found himself laying in a pile of limbs and hair, as he has apparently crashed into someone while attempting to moonwalk (a difficult task in bald-soled boots).  
  
"Watch where the fuck yer goin'!" cried a high-pitched female voice, the promise of homicide tinging her tone.  
  
As soon as the whole mess was sorted out, Jay found himself standing before a short-ass girl, prolly about 15, with skin as white as coke. She had big-ass round glasses sitting upon her small nose, before large RED eyes, which matched the chin-length shaggy red bangs coming down the sides of her face nicely. The rest of her hair was black, and pulled into a shaggy, red-tipped ponytail high in the back, with the rest of said back shaved. She wore all black and knee-high boots with metal tips. She also had a knife sitting in a leather holster on her hip.  
  
"Stupid fuckin' junkies," the girl growled, pushing past Jay with suprising force, considering that she was so skinny it looked like she'd never eaten in her life.  
  
Jay soon found himself on his ass, glaring at the girl as she walked away. "Cunt rag."  
  
***  
  
"Look through any window, yeah. What do ya see? Smilin' faces all around. Movin' through, the busy town." Jay had moved onto a new song, as the sun had set, and he was finally headed home. He'd had to go pay a few visits, pick up some cash from Flick, and snag some sunny doodles from the Quick Stop.  
  
Rounding the corner, Jay stopped dead in his tracks as he suddenly heard a clicking sound echo through the alley behind him. He whriled around... to find nothing.  
  
"Th' fuck?" Jay looked around in a shady fashion before shrugging, pulling his jacket tighter closed, and hurrying up his pace, hoping to get home sooner. If anybody jumped him, he was damn well fucked. "Perfect day for my muscle to stay home..."  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
The sound followed Jay down the alley, and down the sidewalk, as he turned out into better view, incase anything WERE to happen.  
  
Jay whipped around again, fists ready, only to find nothing there...  
  
His mind raced around the tri-state area, ass-clenching fear slowly creeping over his cerebellum.  
  
He whirled around on his toe and took to jogging down the cold sidewalk, his boots clomping with each step, accompanied with its own clicking echo.  
  
Finally, panic overtook his mind and he skidded to a full halt, screaming and turning around one last time, ready to tear his hair out. "WHO THE FUCK IS FOLLOWING--," his eyes snapped wide as he saw the girl from earlier in the day standing there, glaring cooly through narrowed eyes. "...meee..."  
  
He'd almost completely forgotten about her.  
  
He jumped backwards about a foot and pointed dramatically, dropping his shopping bag and cocking his fist back. "What the FUCK do you WANT, kid?"  
  
The girl raised an eyebrow and smirked. She flicked some stray red bangs out of her face and walked slowly up to the scared man. Her entire body radiated calm.  
  
Jay could only stand there, frozen in his dramatic point as the girl sauntered up and picked at his hair for a moment. "Th' fuck?" he finally managed to squeak.  
  
"You had a fuzzy in your hair," the girl said plainly. She tossed aside the offending piece of fuzz and pushed her glasses further back up her nose. Another smirk crossed her face as she bent down to pick up the bag and handed it to him. "Be careful. You almost crushed your snack cakes."  
  
"Heh?" Jay mumbled dumbly.  
  
The girl quickly turned on her heel and walked away.  
  
Jay stood there for a few minutes, dimly watching as the odd girl disappeared into the distant shadows.  
  
"There's something about this town, man..."  
  
And then he promptly turned tail and booked his ass home.  
  
***  
Disclaimer: I own diddly squat. Jay and Silent Bob are property of Kevin Smith, View Askew, Miramax, and the Martians that live in Scott Mosier's left ear.  
  
"Mr. Xcitement" is property of Mike Doughty. And, uh...other people.  
  
"Look Through Any Window" was done by the Hollies. I have no idea who it belongs to. Ra.  
  
Marai "Freak" Adelpha is property of moi, Luna "Tic" Vee.  
  
***  
  
Authoress' Notes: Random spazzy panic writing. This suddenly hit me in the form of "put Jay and Freak in the same fic!" from my Jay muse. So nice. I love this fic, cause it's just so RANDOM! ^^ I heart Freak, too. I wanna be her...  
  
***  
  
Questions? Comments? King Midas In Reverse? E-mail me at Druidess@msn.com  
  
***  
  
Visit the Jay & Silent Bob Slash mailing list! Tons of romance involving your favourite stoners! I'm not just an advocate, I'm a member! Enjoy!  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JayandSilentBob-slash  
  
***  
  
Thanks for reading! Please drop a review before you leave! Thankarino! 


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